Being the step parent that enters into the lives of someone else's kids, you can expect some anger and guilt to be sent your way from the kids. These feelings coming from the child or children can be intense especially if you are springing this on them in a short amount of time
There are things you can do being a step-parent to have a relationship with the kids while keeping your new found partner happy. don't get caught up in some fantasy of how you are going to do this. Keep it real. What you should not do is attempt to replace the parent that is no longer around.
Let the kids let you know what role they are willing to let you be a part of. Let the kids tell you what they would like to call you. Do things together. Make new memories with your new family.
Let the kids give you some ideas as to what activities they would like to do. Don't decide for them. As far as discipline, work out what role you should have with your partners kids.
If you are dealing with teens, it would be better to let their parent handle the discipline while you support the teens parent. Find things that interest both of you and the step-children and spend time with them doing those things.
This will create a bond between you and the kids. You should be prepared to give advice without judging them. Older step kids may like having an adult around to give unbiased advice by someone that is not invested emotionally.
They may consider you a better choice to ask tough questions than their real parent. You have to be careful to make sure you keep your relationship with the step kids in good standing. Make sure you put in the time necessary to keep you and your new partners relationship together and not dedicate to much time with the relationship with the kids. Having you main focus on the adult relationship will lead to everything else fall in place.
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